I have always found Good Friday to be a difficult day to accept. Every year, I feel sad, and I never feel the “good” in it. For me, this day is the dark cloud that shadows the coming wonder of Easter.
A friend told me once that she had read that Jesus loves us so much that if he had needed to, he would have taken the hammer and nailed himself to the cross to be our salvation. I know my friend wanted me to feel better about Jesus’s sacrifice. I didn’t. I just added guilt to my sadness.
Yes, I know the implications of the sacrificial lamb and that without the crucifixion, we don’t have the celebration of the resurrection. To be brutally honest, though, I think it would have been great to have a whole lifetime of teachings from Jesus Christ. Let him create quite a stir with decades of his upside-down teachings. Let him die at a ripe old age. Then, let us celebrate the resurrection, perhaps amazing in part because it happened to a wizened, elderly person. I don’t understand why his life had to end so soon and suffer such violence.
I’m sorry, God. I’m sorry, Jesus. I’m sorry you had to do this. I’m sorry people can be so cruel and blind and needy. I’m sorry for my part in this. I am grateful, and I am sorry.
Ellen, I appreciate your honest reflection on Good Friday. The Isaiah text and Walt's reflection make me think of the many people who "endure a life of adversity and pain" even though they don't deserve that pain and adversity. If we believe in the incarnation, we believe that God knows the pain of those who suffer. God is with us when we suffer.
In your friend's comment I hear the theology of "vicarious atonement" or "substitutionary atonement" -- that Jesus volunteered to die "for our sins" in our place. That theology is held by many Christians, but not all. If we take an Anabaptist perspective that affirms God's nonviolent nature and Jesus' message of nonviolence, we cannot also hold that Jesus' death had to happen in order to bring about our salvation. My view is that Jesus died because the powers of the world lined up against him, saw him as a threat, and made him an example to others. I think the resurrection says that the truth of Jesus' message and identity did not die when he was crucified.
Kate Eisenbise Crell, who teaches at Manchester University and whose parents are Jeff and Becky Eisenbise in our congregation, has written on this in her book "Cooperative Salvation: A Brethren View of Atonement." Here is one quotation from Kate's book: "Jesus' suffering and death were not salvific, but the actions that led to that suffering were and are salvific." Another book to add to your reading list, Ellen!